Monday, July 8, 2013

The Honeymoon is Over!

You exchanged vows with the one you can’t live without. You danced until your feet hurt and then danced some more at the reception you spent months years planning. You had the wedding of your dreams. You went on a picture-perfect honeymoon with the man of your dreams. You have written (and mailed) personal, thoughtful thank you notes for those who sent gifts and for those who helped to make your wedding a smashing success.

After all of that, life goes on like normal! Who knew?!? Upon returning to work or to ordinary life, you realize that just because your world just changed dramatically, not much else has, and that’s kind of a downer. But hey, that’s a fact of life! And the good news is, at the end of the day, you are spending it with the one you love – and that, my friend, is what is truly special.

Now for those who choose to change their name*, this is where the frustration may start back up again. I know I had MANY questions when it came to taking my husband’s name. There are LOTS of hoops to jump through, but hang in there! It is so worth it in the end.

*Once we got closer to our wedding, I started to get possessive over my last name. I didn’t want to give it up. I mean, why should I have to lose my identity? I told my (future) husband about my feelings about changing something that had defined me for my entire life. He smiled, gave me a squeeze, and reassured me that a name change does not mean an identify change and that he would still let me be my fun, unique-self even if I take his name. His love and support helped reaffirm that I wanted to share his name and I have no regrets!

Many websites direct you to the quickest and easiest way to change your name after you get married. I found some of them helpful, but still found myself struggling here and there. I pulled information from some recently-married (and super awesome!) women and started from there. Here’s what I came up with. If anyone has other tips or found something I missed, feel free to post below or message me so I can update this list!

Name Change Instructions

Remember when you had to go to the court house within 60 days of your wedding (and how EASY that was)? And how you had to drop off that paperwork to the church (or other responsible party) prior to your wedding? Yeah, that’s important. The church does their paperwork and mails the marriage license back into the county where they process your license. Then, they mail it out to you in a few weeks. That’s where you get your certified marriage license (the one with the pretty colors and the raised seal).

So, before you can complete ANY of these steps, you must have your marriage license with the raised seal on it. Ours was waiting for us when we returned from our honeymoon, so I got a jump on changing my name right away! (Note: we ordered two when we went in to the courthouse. It costs less to get a second one right away than it is to order a replacement at a later date.)

Follow these steps in order and you should be set!

1.       Social Security Office – This has to be your FIRST visit to make everything happen. Visit their website for FULL details and follow them exactly, it will help reduce the frustration! Here’s what you need to be successful at your first stop:

a.       Locate the closest office (use this site, punch in your zip and you’re all set)

b.      Bring a copy of your:

                                                               i.      Social Security Card

                                                             ii.      Marriage License

                                                            iii.      Driver’s License

                                                           iv.      Current Passport

                                                             v.      A completed Application for a Social Security Card form

c.       Show up early! (I got there 35 minutes before the doors opened and was still about 30 people deep in line – ON A TUESDAY!)

d.      Wait 2-3 weeks for your new card to arrive in the mail (mine came in 2)

2.       Driver’s License/Registration – Gotta love the DMV! Just like any government process, be prepared with documents or be prepared to go home and repeat the process!

a.       Locate the closest office

b.      Bring a copy of your:

                                                               i.      New Social Security Card – you have to physically bring it. A copy of the receipt at the SS office doesn’t count!

                                                             ii.      Driver’s License

                                                            iii.      Marriage License

c.       If you want to update your address at the same time:

                                                               i.      Two (2) forms of mail with your name and address on them

                                                             ii.      They prefer utility bills (Fun fact: he almost didn’t take my voter registration mail and the envelope that had my marriage license in it even though both were from the government!)

d.      Cash – I think it cost me $5?

e.      Be pretty – they take your picture again since they need to reprint the license

f.        Show up early! (I got there 25 minutes early and was about 40 people deep in line on a Friday – but was out of there in about 20 minutes.)

3.       The Bank(s) – Hopefully you and your spouse of discussed money already so you know how the accounts will work going forward. Once you settle that, it’s time to update your bank accounts and credit cards.

a.       Stop in at your local bank and bring with you:

                                                               i.      Marriage license

                                                             ii.      Your spouse – they need to sign papers so you can have access to their account and vice versa

b.      Update checks with your new name (I haven’t done that yet because I’m too cheap to buy new checks! Whoops!)

c.       Don’t forget about online savings, like a personal investing site. Each one has their guidelines to follow. When in doubt, I called customer service and they helped out.

4.       Passport – I was pretty frustrated with this one at first. See, mine expired in January, so I had to renew it then, and now need to renew it after getting married in April, so I figured I’d need to pay the $110 again. Good news though! If you have renewed your passport in the last year, there’s no fee unless you need expedited shipping! Score! Follow their website to update your name – it’s pretty easy to understand.

5.       Online Accounts – Basically anywhere you have your credit card or shipping address on file. That was a tough one to catch them all (and I’m sure I missed a few) but you know where you store that information, so chip away at updating those as soon as possible.

6.       Work Information – This can happen at anytime

a.       Contact your IT person to have your:

                                                               i.      Email address changed

                                                             ii.      Business cards updated

                                                            iii.      Office name plaque changed

b.      Other work-related items – Contact HR to update:

                                                               i.      Benefits – i.e. adding spouse to benefits, joining spouse’s insurance, etc. Don’t forget about life insurance!

                                                             ii.      Beneficiaries – I don’t know about you, but prior to marriage, I had my parents listed as my primary beneficiaries!

                                                            iii.      Update your security badge (getting in and out of buildings)

7.       Online Presence –Probably by now, you have updated your status to “married” and received countless “likes” to the update, but there’s more than just a “fun” update here.

a.       LinkedIn – Keep that current with the correct name. It will put your maiden name in parentheses so old contacts will still recognize you.

b.      Professional Organizations – Staying current leaves a good impression

c.       Email address – Nerd alert: I created my new Gmail account with my new name a week after he proposed, but waited until after the wedding to make it active and ‘deactivate’ my old email account.


If I missed any, let me know and I’ll add it to the list. To the best of my (recent) memory, this is how it all went down!

Congratulations to everyone out there who is taking on a new name and with the one they love! Best wishes!

Update 7/30/14 - A few other places I learned (the hard way) that  need the name change update:
  • 401k/Roth/Investment accounts
  • Frequent Flier Miles accounts
  • Library card
  • Email address account (so when you send an email, the name in parenthesis is correct)
  • The vet - is your fur baby under your maiden name? Make him/her part of the new family!

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